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Some Times A Part of You Gets Shut Down

Some times, a part of you gets shut down, unannounced. You sit there thinking of what might be the cause; but sadly, suddenly everything around you, and within you, starts to feels like a terrible mess. You lose your appetite, your motivation to spend your day proactively.
You sit at your lunch table; *swipe - phone unlocked*, there are texts from your friends, missed calls followed by emails from jobs you've applied for. A voice note in WhatsApp inbox; the voice sounds familiar, turns out that it's your editor asking you about when you're going to send the final draft of your book. You put your phone down and slide away your half eaten plate of biryani, something that you love and enjoy to eat, but you don't feel like eating anymore today.
In silence, you hear the clock ticking, you see the light fading as the sun sets and you feel the darkness within is over powering you. Your brain isn't functioning and the heart urges you to play a sad song or two, maybe cry a little and feel okay. So you do it, you hit play and turn the volume up, but suddenly you cannot relate to the lyrics, it appears that you don't know what feelings are you experiencing and what songs will relate to it. Your playlist feels like a stranger staring at you who knows nothing about what you're going through.
Because, that's how some times a part of you gets shut down, unannounced.

© Aasma Kamran

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